A Moment of Self Reflection

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself over the years, it’s that I can’t carry on for very long without experiencing some kind of change in my life. Normally, I can get by on small changes, like new hairstyles and rearranged living spaces. Every year or two, however, the smoldering ashes of complacency ignite into a raging passion, and I’m suddenly struck with a certainty that I simply must leap out of my skin and slip into something completely new if I’m to avoid bursting into flames. I can work at something furiously for short periods of time, but I inevitably burn out, and need to start over.

After an exceptionally tumultuous year, I feel as though the wax has already melted away entirely, and I’m just a smoking bit of wick in the bottom of the jar. Times have definitely been tougher than they are now, but I’ve never felt more haggard. I’ve become increasingly selfish, distant, and lazy, and my self-worth generally sits at lower-than-comfortable levels.

I don’t much care for these developments.

So I’m going to try to shed my perceived burdens and find a place where I’m happier with myself, and with my relationships in the world around me.

I’m starting by giving myself more time. For the last year and a half, I’ve spent, commute included, at least 10.5 hours a day at a job that does not make me happy. In all other aspects, I am very fortunate to have had this opportunity. It was a marvelous luxury to have a reliable income for this time, but I am also fortunate now to have the choice of leaving this behind to pursue something that may be a better fit. I don’t know what that is yet, but I am already relishing the time I’ll have to get out of my own head and remember what I truly enjoy.

To go out of my way to make other people happy, just because I can.

To complain less, and show gratitude.

To be healthier and more active.

To be more aware of the world around me.

 

In the short term, this will probably manifest as some unnatural hair colours, impromptu travels, increased social activity and a barrage of new activities, but here’s to hoping that a few months from now, I will be a more balanced, humbled, healthy, and caring friend.

If not all that, I’ll settle for more fun.

Cheers!